Articles & Resources · What is Attachment Parenting?
Attachment Parenting, as a parenting style, is currently the center of some controversy. Some believe it is the “best” way to parent, ensuring smarter, more secure children. Others believe it will spoil children and make them dependent. Yet others believe it will undo decades of progress of the women’s movement, chaining mothers to home and children. So what is Attachment Parenting anyway? And what’s all the fuss?
Attachment theory (developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth in the 1950’s) posits that the most important force in infant development is the mother-child bond. From the relationship with the mother (or primary caregiver), children learn about themselves, the world, and how to relate to others. This attachment is formed when the mother responds to baby’s cues, meets baby’s needs, and interacts positively with baby. The theory suggests that if baby’s needs are met, then baby will develop “internal working models” that form the basis for how it interacts with others and the world. For example, babies learn how to self-soothe from being soothed by the caregiver, rather than by being left alone to figure it out for themselves.
Practically speaking, attachment parenting includes breastfeeding on demand (during infancy), extended breastfeeding (one year or more), co-sleeping, wearing baby close to mom’s body, and responding to baby’s cries rather than letting baby “cry it out.” Many cultures around the world follow a tradition of parenting in this way. Japanese mothers sleep with their babies, for example, and African women carry their babies on their backs secured with long cloths. In countries where formula or clean water is not available, babies wean at a much older age than babies in the United States.
So why would mothers want to breastfeed rather than feed with bottles, hold their babies most of the time, and sleep with their babies? That sounds like a lot of work! Some mothers actually find mothering easier when doing all of these things. Breastfeeding means that baby’s food is always ready, at the right temperature, with no bottles and nipples to clean. Breastfeeding is good bonding time, with mother and baby gazing into one another’s eyes, skin-to-skin contact, and ease of responding to baby’s cues of hunger, thirst, or need for comfort.
For some, co-sleeping means more sleep for everyone. When baby wakes, mother only needs to roll over rather than getting out of bed. Mother can respond to baby’s waking cues and nurse baby back to sleep more quickly because baby has not fully awakened. Babies generally sleep better when snuggled against mom. Some research shows that co-sleeping may reduce the incidence of SIDS (“crib death”) because mother’s breathing helps baby to regulate its breathing.
Baby-wearing is the art of carrying baby in one of the many baby carriers available, from front packs and slings to African-style back carriers. Babies are comforted by contact with mom and the gentle swaying motion. Some moms find it easier to respond to baby’s needs when baby is right at hand. Baby-wearing is especially helpful for fussy babies or babies who seem not to ever want to be put down. Mom can accomplish errands or household tasks because slings and other carriers leave mom’s hands free.
Babies cry to communicate. It is an innate behavior designed to elicit caretaking on the part of the parent. When mother or father responds to baby’s cries, the baby learns to trust that the world is a safe place, that its needs will be met, that attempts to communicate result in responses thus ensuring that baby will continue to communicate. It’s impossible to spoil an infant by responding to its cries and providing for its needs.
Research has shown that children who have strong, healthy attachments to the mother (or primary caregiver) tend to be more independent, are easier to discipline, demonstrate more empathy toward others, have higher self-esteem, and express feelings more appropriately than do children with poor, insecure, or anxious attachments with the primary caregiver.
But what’s in it for mom? Some mothers report feeling more confident in the mothering role and in following their instincts, and feel less pressure or confusion in response to parenting comments from others. Attachment-parenting mothers are more likely to report that they enjoy mothering, and that they enjoy spending time with their children. Working moms find attachment parenting helps them to re-connect with their babies after a long day of separation.
Do you have to do all of these things perfectly or all the time to develop healthy attachment? No. Can you develop healthy attachment with your child without adopting this parenting style? Yes. Can you choose to do some of these things and still be an attachment-style parent? Sure. There are lots of right ways to parent. The important thing is to find a parenting style that feels right for you and meets the needs of your family.
For more information, see www.attachmentparenting.org.